Sunday, February 20, 2011
Not Feeling It
Something weird happened today... The day started off at theatre rehearsal where I just felt overwhelmingly sad. Then I got home and was okay for a bit and once the night hit I started to cry for no reason. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Maybe it's because I have been so locked up in my house more than I'm used to. Maybe being unsocial makes me sad. But then I think about it, and I haven't been indoors ALL the time. I've seen a couple friends here and there. There has to be something else. Maybe if I just go to bed now I'll wake up to a bright, cheery morning.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's Almost Here
Graduation is in three months and I can almost taste it. I was talking to a friend of mine last night and I said "What am I going to do when I graduate?" I'm so used to having the summer off and then getting ready to go back to class in the fall. Now, I don't have to worry about that. Instead, I have to worry about what I'm going to do with my life! I'm so excited but so nervous.
I've made the decision to stay in Austin. I think there's more opportunity for me in film here rather than Los Angeles. I want to be a big fish in a small pond. I know staying here will give me good experience and help build up my resume.
Another thing to look forward to: My girl Emily is moving to Austin to work in film as well. We're going to live together which I'm so stoked for. It'll be good to have someone there who wants to do exactly the same thing as me. I really hope we can help each other succeed.
I've made the decision to stay in Austin. I think there's more opportunity for me in film here rather than Los Angeles. I want to be a big fish in a small pond. I know staying here will give me good experience and help build up my resume.
Another thing to look forward to: My girl Emily is moving to Austin to work in film as well. We're going to live together which I'm so stoked for. It'll be good to have someone there who wants to do exactly the same thing as me. I really hope we can help each other succeed.
Friday, February 4, 2011
From Ten to One
Funny how I can be so entirely happy one moment and then sobbing like a widow the next. Here I am, enjoying the snow by myself, running around the empty streets like a child, catching snowflakes on my tongue. I felt so amazing! I made snow balls and threw them in the air and at columns just to see them break. People probably thought I was a lunatic, seeing a girl throwing snow and jumping around in circles looking at the footsteps she left behind her, running from one side of the apartment complex to the other side. But I didn't care. It was such a simple joy that I wanted to take it all in.
Then I finished watching a movie and before I wanted to head to bed I made the dumb decision of looking at the ex's profile and he had changed his picture to him and his new girlfriend. It was one of those photo booth pictures with the multiple pictures on a roll. Seeing him smile that same smile when he was with me and kissing her just broke my heart. I miss him so much and now I'm becoming that girl I don't want to be. A pathetic, sobbing girl who feels she'll never be good enough. What a shame it is to go from such a high to such a low. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm going to leave the blinds open so I can fall asleep to the vision of snow. Maybe it will bring back some good spirit.
Then I finished watching a movie and before I wanted to head to bed I made the dumb decision of looking at the ex's profile and he had changed his picture to him and his new girlfriend. It was one of those photo booth pictures with the multiple pictures on a roll. Seeing him smile that same smile when he was with me and kissing her just broke my heart. I miss him so much and now I'm becoming that girl I don't want to be. A pathetic, sobbing girl who feels she'll never be good enough. What a shame it is to go from such a high to such a low. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm going to leave the blinds open so I can fall asleep to the vision of snow. Maybe it will bring back some good spirit.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Oh Dear... I Will Never Understand Men
I realize I just wrote an entry a couple minutes ago but I saw something on facebook right as I was about to go to bed that kind of shook me.
As I wrote back in November, I thought I found a guy that was great. We saw each other every day and were always joined at the hip in the spare times we had available outside of work or classes, in my case. I brought it up at the very beginning that I travel a lot and that this has always been a problem with the guys I date. His response, "No biggie. We'll see what happens when we get there." Long story short, it got there. He started retreating and broke it off with me.
Come to find out he met another girl while I was gone. I found this out for myself and had a feeling this was the real reason he broke up with me, not because of distance. People can work through busy schedules and I thought he was one of them. After taking him off of facebook (yes this sounds so high school but it's our society today) I thought I would randomly see if I could check up on his profile before I went to bed. Low and behold... a new girlfriend. I know we weren't together for too long but I haven't been with someone seriously in 4 years, so for me I wanted it to work. This was a guy I really fell for and wanted to commit to. It sucks to think that feeling is reciprocated but can so easily be thrown away.
It's times like this that I don't feel good enough and then I just have to slap myself in the face and tell myself to stop talking nonsense. But how do you stop the feeling of numbness?
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose."
-Henry Ward Beecher
"The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder."
-Virginia Woolf
As I wrote back in November, I thought I found a guy that was great. We saw each other every day and were always joined at the hip in the spare times we had available outside of work or classes, in my case. I brought it up at the very beginning that I travel a lot and that this has always been a problem with the guys I date. His response, "No biggie. We'll see what happens when we get there." Long story short, it got there. He started retreating and broke it off with me.
Come to find out he met another girl while I was gone. I found this out for myself and had a feeling this was the real reason he broke up with me, not because of distance. People can work through busy schedules and I thought he was one of them. After taking him off of facebook (yes this sounds so high school but it's our society today) I thought I would randomly see if I could check up on his profile before I went to bed. Low and behold... a new girlfriend. I know we weren't together for too long but I haven't been with someone seriously in 4 years, so for me I wanted it to work. This was a guy I really fell for and wanted to commit to. It sucks to think that feeling is reciprocated but can so easily be thrown away.
It's times like this that I don't feel good enough and then I just have to slap myself in the face and tell myself to stop talking nonsense. But how do you stop the feeling of numbness?
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose."
-Henry Ward Beecher
"The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder."
-Virginia Woolf
Oh Dear...
Last time I wrote on here was a good month ago... When things get hectic I tend to get lazy. This is a habit that needs to stop.
So I wrote in some entries about Los Angeles but decided to keep those to myself and not post them. And now that it is a new year, I think it is time to have new beginnings... like with this blog!
For a start, I was able to celebrate New Years for the first time in my 23 years of life with friends outside of Colombia. It was absolutely wonderful (minus the horrible cold I had)! After celebrating with three of my girlfriends in New Orleans, my best friend Leslie and I went to visit a plantation home that resides between New Orleans and Baton Rouge. We learned it was built in the 1800s and hearing how this family lived fascinated me. Doesn't everyone just wish that we could somehow jump back into a time to see how people just like us lived? What was it like having to use candles at night? And how much would that cost having to constantly buy new candles so one could see? How did people socially interact? What were the games children would play to keep them occupied during the day? I wish so much I could jump back in time! That's why in going to this plantation home, I tried to take everything in and even bought a little souvenir called a courting candle.
Courting candle: When a suitor would court a lady, the father of the lady would light the candle. The metal holder allowed the candle stick to be raised or lowered. Once the candle was lit and the wax began to melt to the top of the holder, that meant it was time for the suitor to leave. The great and comical thing about this was that the dad had all the power because he controlled how high or low the candle would be. The higher it was raised meant he thought the man showed promise (and was probably rich), therefore the man could stay longer. If the father thought he wasn't right for his daughter, the candle was lower meaning the candle would burn down faster to the holder. Clever men.
Things like this always delight me! Here's a picture of what it looks like:
Well it is very late and I am exhausted. I will really try to keep writing entries, no matter how little, boring, stupid or fascinating they are :)
So I wrote in some entries about Los Angeles but decided to keep those to myself and not post them. And now that it is a new year, I think it is time to have new beginnings... like with this blog!
For a start, I was able to celebrate New Years for the first time in my 23 years of life with friends outside of Colombia. It was absolutely wonderful (minus the horrible cold I had)! After celebrating with three of my girlfriends in New Orleans, my best friend Leslie and I went to visit a plantation home that resides between New Orleans and Baton Rouge. We learned it was built in the 1800s and hearing how this family lived fascinated me. Doesn't everyone just wish that we could somehow jump back into a time to see how people just like us lived? What was it like having to use candles at night? And how much would that cost having to constantly buy new candles so one could see? How did people socially interact? What were the games children would play to keep them occupied during the day? I wish so much I could jump back in time! That's why in going to this plantation home, I tried to take everything in and even bought a little souvenir called a courting candle.
Courting candle: When a suitor would court a lady, the father of the lady would light the candle. The metal holder allowed the candle stick to be raised or lowered. Once the candle was lit and the wax began to melt to the top of the holder, that meant it was time for the suitor to leave. The great and comical thing about this was that the dad had all the power because he controlled how high or low the candle would be. The higher it was raised meant he thought the man showed promise (and was probably rich), therefore the man could stay longer. If the father thought he wasn't right for his daughter, the candle was lower meaning the candle would burn down faster to the holder. Clever men.
Things like this always delight me! Here's a picture of what it looks like:
Well it is very late and I am exhausted. I will really try to keep writing entries, no matter how little, boring, stupid or fascinating they are :)
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Hello LA
I cannot begin to explain how much I am loving LA. I guess I should start at the beginning...
After rushing to do some last minute laundry in Austin, I made my flight to LA. When I landed my friends picked me up and I got ready in about thirty minutes at my friend's house. I walk outside and there is this huge tour bus in front of the house. This bus is amazing. It has lights, tv screens and they even brought the cutest dog along. I met everyone on the bus and found out they rode this thing from Austin to LA.
After missing the exit a few times, we made it to Supper Club. When we were getting off the bus, we saw Russell Brand leaving and getting into his car right next to us and then literally two seconds after the car drove off, Corey Feldman walks by. Walking inside was crazy. It was like a huge warehouse in white and they had people dressed up in crazy costumes. People were coming out of the ceilings and there were midgets dressed in christmas lights dancing with people in the crowd. It was definitely a sight to see. After this, we all got back into the bus and headed to a smaller place called Voyeur. Walking in, their dancers were all topless and in tutus... It sounds weird but it was actually pretty cool. In the middle of the night they put on a little show on the stage. Throughout the night, we noticed on top of the crowd there was a large net spread across the ceiling with a girl up there. It was just insane... Girls on the ceiling, on the stage, on the bar, in a glass box... and all topless. Of course I was the only one sober but by the end of the night I thought I would let loose a little bit and got on the stage with some of the girls we were with. When they turned the lights on it was time to go and as we were walking out I looked at the guy next to me and it was that Frankie guy from Laguna Beach... Really cute in person actually... We got on the bus and I think 90% of the people on there were wasted and dancing their hearts out. I had a blast.
When we got back to the house my girlfriend Lacy and I ran to claim a bed. We shared the bed with a girl Lorena and as we were falling asleep our friend came in and got in the bed with us because poor homeboy had a girl trailing him all night. She found him and ended up in the bed too... I don't know how that worked.
So that was just Thursday night...
Friday I woke up and hung out with the boys at home. I read for a bit and then my friend's roommate Richard drove me to my friend's dance studio. It was really nice of him since I was going to take a Taxi instead. That saved me a good 20 bucks. So I met up with my friend Jared and he took me to Santa Monica where we had some really great Mexican food. I had just seen him a week or two before in Austin when he was in town for the Salsa Congress but he promised me that on Sunday he would take me out dancing here in LA. (I'm so excited :)) He was nice enough to drive me back to the house where I passed out for a good two hours. When I got up some new girls arrived from Austin and we all got ready for another night out. I was actually contemplating staying in and watching a movie or something but I'm glad I got my butt up and ready.
We drove to the hotel where everyone was staying at (the people from the bus). What was once like 13 people ended up being like 20 or something. There were so many people. We all loaded onto the bus and headed to a small bar/club. At first I wasn't having the best time but I started chatting with the girls who had just come in from Austin and we really bonded. One of the girls was freaking out because she had seen this actor that she knew from "Grey's Anatomy" and she thought he was so cute. Somehow she made friends with his best friend and he came over and hung out with us. She was in heaven! I was able to talk to him about acting since I told him that's what I wanted to come down to LA for. He gave me some good advice even though I think he had a lot to drink.
So the night was over and we all got back onto the bus again. A group of us hung out in the back where the bed was and just chatted and laughed. We hadn't noticed the bus had stopped until someone came up to the back and told us we were back at the hotel... Then someone mentioned Andy Dick was on the bus and we all thought, yeah right... but he was on bus. It was the most random experience. He just came in with two of his really handsome friends and hung out. Then he came up to the suite with us. They were all really cool but still now I can't get over how random that was. I left about an hour afterwards back to the house where I passed out.
It's now Saturday and I have taken all day to relax, watch some football, paint my nails, eat some cereal, chat with the girls about their night with the Grey's Anatomy actor (which will remain nameless unless you want to know), and we even planned a trip to go to Vegas for a weekend with him and his friend. I think tonight should be really good. We're celebrating my friend Jejuan's birthday at Chateau Marmont on Sunset. I cannot wait!! I came to LA for this night specifically so hopefully tonight will live up with more unexpected moments and good memories :)
xoxo
After rushing to do some last minute laundry in Austin, I made my flight to LA. When I landed my friends picked me up and I got ready in about thirty minutes at my friend's house. I walk outside and there is this huge tour bus in front of the house. This bus is amazing. It has lights, tv screens and they even brought the cutest dog along. I met everyone on the bus and found out they rode this thing from Austin to LA.
After missing the exit a few times, we made it to Supper Club. When we were getting off the bus, we saw Russell Brand leaving and getting into his car right next to us and then literally two seconds after the car drove off, Corey Feldman walks by. Walking inside was crazy. It was like a huge warehouse in white and they had people dressed up in crazy costumes. People were coming out of the ceilings and there were midgets dressed in christmas lights dancing with people in the crowd. It was definitely a sight to see. After this, we all got back into the bus and headed to a smaller place called Voyeur. Walking in, their dancers were all topless and in tutus... It sounds weird but it was actually pretty cool. In the middle of the night they put on a little show on the stage. Throughout the night, we noticed on top of the crowd there was a large net spread across the ceiling with a girl up there. It was just insane... Girls on the ceiling, on the stage, on the bar, in a glass box... and all topless. Of course I was the only one sober but by the end of the night I thought I would let loose a little bit and got on the stage with some of the girls we were with. When they turned the lights on it was time to go and as we were walking out I looked at the guy next to me and it was that Frankie guy from Laguna Beach... Really cute in person actually... We got on the bus and I think 90% of the people on there were wasted and dancing their hearts out. I had a blast.
When we got back to the house my girlfriend Lacy and I ran to claim a bed. We shared the bed with a girl Lorena and as we were falling asleep our friend came in and got in the bed with us because poor homeboy had a girl trailing him all night. She found him and ended up in the bed too... I don't know how that worked.
So that was just Thursday night...
Friday I woke up and hung out with the boys at home. I read for a bit and then my friend's roommate Richard drove me to my friend's dance studio. It was really nice of him since I was going to take a Taxi instead. That saved me a good 20 bucks. So I met up with my friend Jared and he took me to Santa Monica where we had some really great Mexican food. I had just seen him a week or two before in Austin when he was in town for the Salsa Congress but he promised me that on Sunday he would take me out dancing here in LA. (I'm so excited :)) He was nice enough to drive me back to the house where I passed out for a good two hours. When I got up some new girls arrived from Austin and we all got ready for another night out. I was actually contemplating staying in and watching a movie or something but I'm glad I got my butt up and ready.
We drove to the hotel where everyone was staying at (the people from the bus). What was once like 13 people ended up being like 20 or something. There were so many people. We all loaded onto the bus and headed to a small bar/club. At first I wasn't having the best time but I started chatting with the girls who had just come in from Austin and we really bonded. One of the girls was freaking out because she had seen this actor that she knew from "Grey's Anatomy" and she thought he was so cute. Somehow she made friends with his best friend and he came over and hung out with us. She was in heaven! I was able to talk to him about acting since I told him that's what I wanted to come down to LA for. He gave me some good advice even though I think he had a lot to drink.
So the night was over and we all got back onto the bus again. A group of us hung out in the back where the bed was and just chatted and laughed. We hadn't noticed the bus had stopped until someone came up to the back and told us we were back at the hotel... Then someone mentioned Andy Dick was on the bus and we all thought, yeah right... but he was on bus. It was the most random experience. He just came in with two of his really handsome friends and hung out. Then he came up to the suite with us. They were all really cool but still now I can't get over how random that was. I left about an hour afterwards back to the house where I passed out.
It's now Saturday and I have taken all day to relax, watch some football, paint my nails, eat some cereal, chat with the girls about their night with the Grey's Anatomy actor (which will remain nameless unless you want to know), and we even planned a trip to go to Vegas for a weekend with him and his friend. I think tonight should be really good. We're celebrating my friend Jejuan's birthday at Chateau Marmont on Sunset. I cannot wait!! I came to LA for this night specifically so hopefully tonight will live up with more unexpected moments and good memories :)
xoxo
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